probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
