she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
