im about as happy as oj after his trial
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
