I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
