The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
