Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Can I color on your dick again?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
