while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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