wrigley field is MILF paradise
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
