Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
