So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
