Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
