the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
