If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
