she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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