At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
