Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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