i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
