now i know why i became what i already was.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
