I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
