His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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