im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
