I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
