Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
