Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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