Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to make out with him forever
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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