I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
