drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
