she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
