You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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