And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
