its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
