her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
