it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
