She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
