I should be sponsored by Trojan
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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