Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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