i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
