I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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