I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
