I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
