They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize