apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
