Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
