Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
