Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
