your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
