You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
