i love accidental penises.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
