What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
