Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
