There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
