You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
