see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize