you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
