my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
