As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My dad just said "fuck circus"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
