In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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