I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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