I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
