it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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