I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
