The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
