so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
