you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
