I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
