3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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