i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My cat gives me a boner
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
