he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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