Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry about my life...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
