I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
