How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
