Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
