If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
