I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
