I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
