I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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