mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
