Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
