So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
